It's random....

It's been too long. I have a lot to say, probably too much so it's been hard to form an idea without looking like a scattered-brain idiot. Life is hard. That’s a statement we all know to be true. As a kid, I thought everything would be pretty simple: Grow up doing exactly what my heart desires, make good choices, have a family. It all seems really straight forward, however the older I get, the more I realize, situations in life really aren’t that simple. There are bad choices, uncertainty, fear, and so many other things that complicate life. How can other people’s situations seem so clear, but looking at my own life and making decisions seem so foggy and hard? I wish there was a manual of what to do. I say that, but really I'm glad there isn't or else life would be so boring. I look at my life and I feel like I should be in a different place than I am. I don’t know if I feel that way because of the environment I grew up in or because a lot of my friends are married and or have kids. Maybe that's why it's hard for me to make decisions because I'm perpetually disappointed in myself and where I am at. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy. Those last two sentences juxtapose themselves, however I think it's possible to have two conflicting feelings at once. My life is moving places and I'm making good choices, however there are so many unanswered questions. I don't want my life to pass me by; however I'm so worried about what other people think and disappointing them. I wish I could just say, screw it and do exactly what I want to do (even though I don’t really know what that is). I don't know how I got to be this way. I’m so unsure because things are really changing in my life, I'm about to move, go to school, and I have a lot of unanswered questions about where I'm going to live, if I should get a job, how I'm going to pay for school. I have let my inhibitions get in the way of good choices, I don't want to do that anymore....At some point I just want to yell out, "SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Oh but that is why I'm in the place I'm in....silly mind, silly emotions, silly me. I'll get this figured out one day. All I can do is, pray, think, and decide. I think I just confused myself even more. I am a scattered-brain idiot. HA! Oh well, that’s life I suppose. This blog really doesn’t make much sense, but maybe if I keep typing, more often, I’ll have an epiphany. Maybe…

That’s all for now…