What is it about life that causes us to return to patterns, lifestyles, and familiar people/situations? I suppose it's comfort, fear, and probably just not living. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate old friendships and reminiscing, but that is not what I am referring to. I am speaking more of a frame of mind. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and return to, "the things we always do." I'm sick of it! For me, I think I return to the old because I'm afraid of failure, but that fear is a huge contribution to my failures. Really, if failure is my worst fear, I’m doing okay. Failure isn't that much of a mountain as I make it out to be. I know this. I let my dramatic nature convince me it's horrible. So, I'm making it a purpose to change my old habits and not go back to familiar, unhealthy things. For instance, I feel like sometimes I'm a chameleon. I so desperately want people to like me and approve of what I'm doing and who I am, that I behave in ways I think I should instead of just being myself.. I don't want to be a chameleon anymore. I’m tired of doing things to please people, rather than just behaving in a way that is right and depicts who I am to the core. That's a little scary; I have thoughts like, “what if they don't like me?” Really though, in the grand scheme of life, should it really matter who likes me or not? I don’t think so. I don't have to fit into every group or mold. I want to be loud, quirky, kind, and opinionated without worrying what people think. Hopefully one day soon, I won't worry at all. Maybe that’s a little unrealistic because of human nature, but I truly believe I can cut most of the worrying out of my life. My biggest enemy is myself. It’s not going to be my mission to be obnoxious and weird just because I want to be free from people pleasing. However, I just want to be real and honest in every aspect of my life. I simply don’t want to change who I am to fit into a mold that I think I need to fit into. Stupid thinker…Maybe I can turn it in for a new one? =)
That’s all, for now…
No comments:
Post a Comment