Defined Part 2

It's Christmas Eve, I should be sleeping, but instead, my mind can't stop. That seems to occur more times than not these days....
In continuation of my last blog, I asked the question, Defined by what? I know I don't want to be defined by material things, however, what is it that really defines Kendra Jean Lafayette? That question is much harder to answer than I think it should be. I could give the typical answers like; family, faith, and friends, but somehow those answers just don't seem good enough. I need something more, something more clever, honest, and real. I don't know what a good answer is. I love my family, I love my God, and I have some good friends, but that doesn't capture the essence of who I am. I don't know exactly what does though. I can more easily point out flaws than I can say what I want to be defined by. The scary, eye-opening thing about that, is perhaps right now, who I am isn't who I want to be. I can live with that because there is always room for change. What will I do if all the bad out weighs the good? The obvious answer-change a lot!
An example; it all started when I was 13, I really enjoyed the art of lying. I call it an art due to the fact that I was proud I could lie so well. I justified it to myself by saying that I didn't need to tell everyone everything because it is my life, so not telling the whole truth couldn't be too bad, right? WRONG. Looking back, I realize in how much trouble that got me into. How much heartache and arguments I could have avoided. I am one of those people that has to learn the hard way, but really...this could have been unavoidable. I knew better, I chose to lie anyway. I'm 12 years removed from that annoying 13 year old, but the lying haunted me for years. I know I still have room for improvement, but I am really trying. I have made it my goal this last 6 months not to lie about anything, at all. Of course, I have had a few screw ups. I hate that my human nature sometimes take over. Only then, do I have to retract my statements, apologize, and admit I was wrong. It's not easy undoing learned behaviors, but it's definitely worth it. I didn't get any closer to the answer I originally asked! Perhaps one day, I will figure it out.

Merry Christmas!

That's all, for now...